2011 Post · Children · Crazies · Creativity · Family · Humor · Little People · Males of the Species · Mouths of Babes · Star Wars

The Dark Side

The Tweenager was an easy child, a “good” boy. Looking back, I think his “worst” act of mischief involved a pencil and a clean white wall. The most significant childproofing we had to do was install a gate at the stairwell.

Manimal has made up for The Tweenager in spades. He managed to spring nearly every form of childproofing we installed. He smeared poop on the wall of the bathroom, put stickers on our bamboo flooring, colored on his brother’s bedsheets, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Last week, our little Star Wars fanatic really hit his stride. I came home from work to find his fingernails on one hand colored black. The conversation went like this:

Me: “Manimal, why did you color your fingernails?”
Manimal: “Well, I wanted them to be black.”
Me: (eye roll) “Where is the marker now?”
Manimal: “Upstairs.”
Me: “Go get it. Now.”

As the feet pitter-pattered up the stairs, I had visions of newly decorated bedsheets. A graffiti-enhanced baby crib. Perhaps even some window art. Because I just KNEW that this black marker absolutely HAD to be a Sharpie marker. This was confirmed when Manimal returned with the marker.

Me: “Manimal, what else did you color?” (Because, of course, no 5 y/o can leave his mark on just ONE thing.)
Manimal: “My…”

And this, my friends, is where you have to use your imagination. This is, after all, a family show. And I don’t want any Interwebz freaks doing a Google search and ending up here. A few clues to lead you to the proper conclusion:

1. He colored another body part.
2. Princess the Wonder Dog and I are the only members of the Diva Family without this body part.

Yes, dear readers. Manimal had black fingernails and a black…

Somehow in my efforts to maintain a straight face, I managed to not choke or bite through my tongue. I dragged his painted body to the bathroom to confirm his claim.

Uh-huh. There it was, in all of its Sharpie-tattooed glory.

Me: “WHY?”
Manimal: (With all of his 5 y/o sweetness and innocence) “I wanted it to be black.”
Me: “Go tell your father what you did.”

We could leave it at that, but why stop a good story? Let’s pick it up in DH’s office.

Me: “Tell Daddy what you did with the marker.”
Manimal: “I colored my fingernails.”
Me: “Tell him what else you colored.”
Manimal: “My…”

At this point, I thought I’d have to call the ambulance for DH. The sound he made was a combination of laughter, coughing and choking. When he recovered, he said something that only a father would say in circumstances such as these.

“Dude, it’s gonna fall off if you do that.”

I managed to clean said body part off with a little rubbing alcohol, and I’m pretty sure it will remain untainted by color, at least for the time being. After sharing with my friends, I’ve realized that Manimal is indeed special. Nobody else has these kind of stories about their five y/o.

Of course, I’m pretty sure that very few other five year-olds are as Star Wars obsessed as mine. He takes “Dark Side” to a whole new level.


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