Did you ever get to a time in your life as a parent where you’re pretty sure you “got” your kids? I mean, I’m always up for a surprise, but I was feeling pretty sure about my kids.
I know my kids.
I know what they like and what they don’t. I know how much sleep they need and when they’ve had more than enough computer time or television time and need to go outside and shoot a few hoops.
I know their behavior quirks.
Or at least I thought I did.
Recently, they’ve been using their powers for
evil less than good.
The Tweenager (The Boy Formerly Known as Sweet Son #1) has been using his power of super-hearing to his advantage. Of course, what he may think of as “super hearing”, I prefer to think of as “selective” hearing, sometimes called “selective deafness”.
A conversation might go like this:
Me: “Tweenager, please feed and water the dog.”
Ten Minutes Later…
M: “Tweenager, Princess needs food and water.”
Another ten minutes passes…
M: “Why is the dog scrounging in the pantry?”
You get the picture.
Or sometimes I ask him to empty the dishwasher, one of his regular chores. Of course, I make the crucial error of not making him stop what he’s doing, look me in the eye and repeat my request back to me.
And don’t even get me started on The Manimal’s powers.
For one thing, he is able to turn into the World’s Sweetest Child less than two seconds after he’s just thrown a shoe across the room and managed to hit The Tweenager right in the extremely-sensitive-spot-that-only-boys-have.
Me: “Manimal! You stop that right now! That’s not nice!”
Manimal: “I love you so much, Mommy!”
He’s not even secretive about his powers. Last night after a fall-on-the-floor-screaming-hysterical temper tantrum, we were talking about good behavior.
He informed me that he only had “Bad Boy Powers” right now. And that he used his “Bad Boy Powers” when people didn’t listen to him. I tried to explain that he should use his Big Boy Words and Powers instead of throwing a fit.
He told me he would have to buy some “Big Boy Powers” from the good Droids.
So I told him that if he didn’t get some big boy powers and stop using his naughty boy powers, then Daddy and I would be forced to use our “No More Lego Star Wars Power” and possibly our “Spanking Power”.
Where is the Justice League when you need them?