Boob Tube · Children · Complaint Department · Humor · Rant

Dear Sir or Madam

I snagged this idea from my bloggy buddy Whitney. I figure it’s a good way to avoid going postal when people drive you crazy stay in the holiday spirit.

Dear Comcast,

I applaud your new “improved customer service” ad campaign for which I’ve seen multiple television and print ads. However, I feel the need to remind you of the importance of truth in advertising.

That is all.

Sincerely,
ElleBee (aka “Please Santa, bring AT & T UVerse to my neighborhood for Christmas!”)

Dear Lane Bryant,

As someone who is shaped like a freaking pear was blessed with good birthing hips, I am in love with your new Right Fit trouser jeans, size 5 blue. I could wear them every.single.day. I love the fact that I can wear a real belt and not have a big old gap at the back.

I think maybe you should give me a pair that I can use as a giveaway. I know some other curvy girls who would love them!

Kiss-Kiss,
ElleBee (aka “So glad I don’t have to pay $75 for a pair of nice jeans anymore!”)

Dear Children’s Television Ad Programmers,

While I understand the economic importance of television advertising, is it necessary to have what seems to be an overabundance of girl toys? With an impressionable almost-four-year-old BOY, I’d appreciate more gender-neutral or boy-specific toys so my child doesn’t feel that Santa needs to bring him Polly Pocket or the Dora Links doll.

It was bad enough that for Halloween he wanted to be a fireman with a pink jacket.

kthxbye,
ElleBee (aka “I never thought I’d wish for more Pokemon or Bakugan or Legos”)

Dear Feminists Who Will Inevitably Consider Responding to the Above Letter,

Yes, I know I sound sexist and stereotypical. I don’t care. They’re my children, not yours.

Leave my Mommy’s boys alone,
ElleBee (aka “The Mother Hen”)

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