I feel as though I’m slipping. Like no matter how tightly I hold to the ropes, my hands just keep sliding and soon I will just slip off into nothingness.
Actually, I might prefer that right now. Because the desire to simply run away is overwhelming. You see, I’ve been struggling with a situation now for a year. A situation that affects me directly, but is not a result of my own actions. A situation over which I have no control. A situation that, for now, has no visible resolution in sight.
It has been suggested to me that my “ups and downs” over the past year may be the result of God trying to accomplish something in me. I don’t doubt that. It may be a “spiritual shaking” of sorts. As in “Hello! Wake up! You don’t have to worry about everything here. In fact, I’m in control right now, so just leave the outcome up to me.”
Apparently, though, I’m kind of stubborn.
I know I’m not deserving of His grace, and yet, there it is, covering me. I know my faith is small right now, and yet He says that it doesn’t matter if it’s as small as a mustard seed; it is large enough.
It’s easy to want to let go, to slip off the rope, down into nothingness. That wouldn’t require any interaction with others. It wouldn’t require vulnerability on my part. It would allow me to remain “in control” (riiigght…) of the situation.
But God asks more. He says, “My grace is enough for you. Love one another. Support one another. Lean on one another.” Or something like that. “Don’t let go. I’m here to support you, but you have to ask for help. I gave you free will, so, I suppose, if you want to let go, you can. But know that I’m not leaving. I look for the lost. I love it when they find their way back.”
Essentially, I can run away, but I can’t hide. Because His grace is enough, and He will always find me.
Help me, please, Lord. Give me strength to share my burdens, so when my hands slip from the ropes (and they will), someone’s else’s hands will reach out to grab them. And we can find our strength, together.